Ex Military Dating Sites

Editor’s Note: This article originally appeared at Cellar Door, the personal blog of Gabrielle Puglia.

There have been a few articles about the pros and cons of dating the Generation Y military man, and while some of them are better reads than others, I felt the need to weigh in. This is based solely on the experiences of my veteran friends, as well as my own with a past paramour. This list is not simply a composition of pros or cons, but rather an overview of what dating a service member — active duty or veteran — is like.

1. Slowly break the barrier. The military teaches service members to trust their unit, and few others. They are meant to be extremely close with this group of people and everyone else is simply on a need-to-know basis. As the significant other, you will not get more details than necessary on anything unless you poke and prod. It is a lot of work to break down those barriers and gain enough trust for him open up and be vulnerable. But, trust me, it is worth the effort.

2. Be patient. Do not expect this vulnerability to come quickly. If he comes to you with a problem, chances are he'll talk about it until he no longer wants to and then go into lockdown. Be patient, but keep digging at those walls.

3. Respect the band of brothers. You need to understand that the military is a brotherhood. Military men may never have closer relationships than those they made in the military. That is not a good thing or a bad thing, that is just a matter of fact and something you need to understand. It is not a competition between his military friends and you; they are people who shared a very intimate part of his life, and you should want to be close with them, too.

4. Appreciate his loyalty. Many military creeds reference loyalty or unity. Military men are used to their band of brothers, and are bred to be loyal and protective. He will love you fiercely and be the most faithful companion, if you can promise the same.

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5. Get over the air of authority. Some branches of the military (I’m looking at you, Marines) have a feeling of superiority over others. Granted, that is earned due to the nature of their work and how much they put on the line. However, in the civilian world, or in a relationship, it may be a little hard to deal with. His way is the best way because he knows best. Especially if he is coming from a higher rank, it may be increasingly difficult for him to “fall in line” with civilian life. You need to understand this and realize how difficult it is.

6. Recognize the invisible wounds. Not every soldier comes home with post-traumatic stress. However, for those who do, there is nothing wrong with that. Just keep in mind that the chances of him wanting to open up and talk about it — let alone seek help — are slim to none, at least at first. This will be trying for you, but imagine how he feels. Expect sleepless nights, and bouts of being on the receiving end of awkward silences. These things happen. You need to try your hardest to understand, get him to eventually talk about it (preferably to a professional) and pretty much avoid all triggers — like war movies.

7. Enjoy the fun facts. Military men have likely traveled to parts of the world you have not, and can tell you facts about different cultures/countries/states. You will be inundated with more random facts about places like the Middle East or the South than you care to cram into your brain. Trust me, eventually, they will come up. I won a round of trivia just because I knew the currency in Bahrain. Fun facts are everywhere, and it doesn’t hurt for you to sound more worldly too!

8. Don’t forget to show your pride. I am a sucker for someone who is passionate about his work. Service members fight to defend our country. They are modern day heroes; if that’s not something to be proud of, I’m not quite sure what is!

9. Let him do the driving. Military men are used to being thrown into countries and situations with which they are unfamiliar, so when traveling, always expect to have a great navigator around.

Basically, dating a Generation Y military man is no different than dating anyone else. Sure, they have baggage, but don’t we all? His may be unimaginable to you, but that does not make him any better or worse. Dating a service member is not all fun and games; it takes a lot of work and patience, but if you are interested in the person and not just the uniform, then he is definitely worth the pursuit. Also, if you are lucky enough to date one (or some!) of our country's finest service members, don’t feel like you have to abide by all of these guidelines. Just be a decent human being and you will get decency back.

Gabrielle Puglia is a free spirit with a wild heart. Perpetual overthinker, good-doer, book nerd, wine connoisseur and amateur world traveler.

If you feel you have been scammed by a person claiming to be a U.S. Soldier, contact the FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center and the Federal Trade Commission.

Army CID is warning anyone who is involved in online dating to proceed with caution when corresponding with persons claiming to be U.S. Soldiers currently serving in Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria or elsewhere.

Army CID receives hundreds of allegations a month from victims who state they got involved in an online relationship with someone, on a legitimate dating website or other social media website, who claims to be a U.S. Soldier. The 'Soldier' then begins asking for money for various FALSE, service-related needs such as transportation costs, communication fees, marriage, processing and medical fees. Victims of these online scams have lost hundreds of thousands of dollars, with a very low possibility of recovery.

The U.S. has established numerous task force organizations to deal with this growing epidemic; unfortunately, many times the people committing these scams are from African countries using untraceable email addresses, routing accounts through numerous locations around the world and utilizing pay per hour Internet cyber cafes, which often times maintain no accountability of use.

Read the Joint Service Sextortion Brochure for more information and see examples of fake documents used by scammers.

Ex Military Dating Sites People

You can also learn more about identity theft, romance scams, sextortion and online impostors at the U.S. Army's Social Media Resources site.

For more on these fraudulent acts, read the announcements released by Army CID:
U.S. Army CID Warn Citizens to Be Vigilant Against Internet, Digital Scammers
With National Spotlight on Internet Romance-Type Scams, Army CID Makes Additional Attempts to Warn Unsuspecting Victims
U.S. Army CID Pleads with Public, Warns Against Romance Scams
CID warns Army community about social media impersonation of Soldier accounts

• - DO NOT SEND MONEY! Be extremely suspicious if you are asked for money for transportation costs, communication fees or marriage processing and medical fees via Western Union.
• - If you do start an Internet-based relationship with someone, check them out, research what they are telling you with someone who would know, such as a current or former service member.
• - Be very suspicious if you never get to actually speak with the person on the phone or are told you cannot write or receive letters in the mail. Servicemen and women serving overseas will often have an APO or FPO mailing address. Internet or not, service members always appreciate a letter in the mail.
• - Many of the negative claims made about the military and the supposed lack of support and services provided to troops overseas are far from reality - check the facts.
• - Be very suspicious if you are asked to send money or ship property to a third party or company. Often times the company exists, but has no idea or is not a part of the scam.
• - Be very suspicious if the person you are corresponding with wants you to mail anything to an African country.
• - Be aware of common spelling, grammatical or language errors in the emails.
• - Be very suspicious of someone you have never met and who pledges their love at warp speed.

Saying they are on a peace keeping mission, looking for an honest woman, parents deceased, wife deceased, child being cared for by nanny or other guardian, profess their love almost immediately, refer to you as 'my love,' 'my darling' or any other affectionate term almost immediately, telling you they cannot wait to be with you, telling you they cannot talk on the phone or via webcam due to security reasons, or telling you they are sending you something (money, jewelry) through a diplomat. Finally, they claim to be a U.S. Army Soldier; however, their English and grammar do not match that of someone born and raised in the United States.

Here are answers to some of the most common types of scams:

• 1. Soldiers and their loved ones are not charged money so that the Soldier can go on leave.
• 2. No one is required to request leave on behalf of a Soldier.
• 3. A general officer will not correspond with you on behalf of a Soldier planning to take leave.
• 4. A general officer will not be a member of an internet dating site.
• 5. Soldiers are not charged money or taxes to secure communications or leave.
• 6. Soldiers do not need permission to get married.
• 7. Soldiers do not have to pay for early retirement.
• 8. Soldiers have medical insurance for themselves and their immediate family members (spouse and/or children), which pays for their medical costs when treated at health care facilities worldwide - family and friends do not need to pay their medical expenses.
• 9. Military aircraft are not used to transport Privately Owned Vehicles.
• 10. Army financial offices are not used to help Soldiers buy or sell items of any kind.
• 11. Soldiers deployed to combat zones do not need to solicit money from the public to feed or house their troops.
• 12. Deployed Soldiers do not find large sums of money and do not need your help to get that money out of the country.

Report the theft to the Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) (FBI-NW3C Partnership). Online: http://www.ic3.gov/default.aspx

Report the theft to the Federal Trade Commission. Your report helps law enforcement officials across the United States in their investigations. Online: http://www.ftc.gov/idtheft

By phone: 1-877-ID-THEFT (438-4338) or TTY, 1-866-653-4261

By mail: Identity Theft Clearinghouse, Federal Trade Commission, Washington, DC 20580

Report the fraud to the Federal Trade Commission on Nigerian Scams. Email: spam@uce.gov.

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